It was their first date,
and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he
babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet
peeves, his driving techniques, and even the
standards he used to choose his barber. Finally,
he came up for air and said, "But enough about
me. Let's talk about you." She breathed a sigh
of relief. He went on, "What do you think about
me?"
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A lady, desperate for
companionship took out an ad in the local paper.
It read: "I need a man who won't beat me
up...won't run away with other women, but he's
gotta be great in bed". The next day the
doorbell rang, and she found a quadriplegic on
her doorstep. "You have no arms" she said... he
answered: "I won't beat you". "You have no legs"
she protested... he said "I won't run away with
other women!" Embarrassed she inquired: "How can
you be great in bed?" His answer: "I rang the
doorbell, didn't I?"
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The year was 1959 and college
boy Mike went to pick up Cathy, his date for
the evening. While Cathy was getting ready, her
father was asking Mike about his plans for the
evening. "We'll probably go to a soda shop or a
movie," said Mike. Her father calmly replied:
"Why don't the pair of you go out and screw?"
Mike was taken aback by the suggestion. "You
think we should go out and screw?" he queried.
"Absolutely," said the father. "After all,
you're only young once. And I know how Cathy
loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we let
her." Mike was lost for words, but reckoned it
was going to be a date to remember. Shortly
afterwards, Cathy appeared and off they went.
Her father sat back to watch the TV but 20
minutes later, the door burst open and Cathy ran
in, sobbing. "Dammit, Daddy!" she screamed.
"It's called the twist!"
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A girl went over to her
friend and said: "I hear you broke off your
engagement to Rob? Why?" "It's just that my
feelings towards him aren't the same any more."
"Are you returning his ring?" "No way! My
feelings towards the ring haven't changed a
bit!"
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I just broke up with someone
and the last thing she said to me was,
"You'll never find anyone like me again." I'm
thinking: "I should hope not! If I don't want
you, why would I want someone like you?"
